Thursday, January 28, 2010

Our Life-His Purpose

What comes to your mind when you hear the word, "Surrender?" Maybe it's just me, but I think of captivity. A burden. To give up. Not much hope.

Now what comes to your mind when you hear the word, "Abandon?" To me, it makes me think of freedom and relation to Christ that is.

Lately, I've been feeling God wanting me to walk down a certain path that humanly I don't feel quite ready or prepared for. I'm a planner at heart and haven't been able to spend an adequate amount of time preparing for this role...I have books to read, people to talk to, etc, etc, etc. It's hard to let go and trust sometimes...yet I know He'll prepare the way. His plan is so much greater than my own!

One of my favorite prayers I heard in my Mother Wise Bible Study several years ago goes like this, "Lord, bind my mind to your mind and my thoughts to your thoughts. Bind my heart to your heart, my will to your will, and bind my life to YOUR purposes."

I envision this stem of a flower or vine growing together in the same direction...our minds, thoughts, hearts and wills entertwining with His and becoming one. Yet when it comes to letting go-abandoning our lives to His purposes, He grows each one of us out in the direction that He's chosen-allowing us to grow, taking root and blooming...ministering to those around us, using the gifts He has given us.

Don't just "surrender" yourself to Christ today, but abandon yourself to Him! He's up to something in each and every one of our lives if we will simply follow His lead.

"Today, if you hear his voice, do not harden your hearts..." Hebrews 3:14

"Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways acknowledge him, and he will direct your paths." Proverbs 3:5-6

Thursday, January 21, 2010

Are You Breaking His Heart?

My heart was crushed, my trust broken, my dreams shattered.

I was desperate for his love. I longed for him to be true to me...only me.

But he wasn't.

He would keep me at a distance-giving me just a taste of the delicasies my heart desired, to keep me coming back and begging for more with promises of the good stuff...but would be sorely disappointed to be fed only scraps.

His words would lure me in and then I would take the bait...only to find myself trapped in the undertow-which would suck me under, then allow my heart to come up momentarily gasping for air, only to be sucked under once more.

Sadly, this describes a relationship I was in several years ago. After being separated from this man for about a month and a half, I met my (now) husband. With the excitement of a new relationship, I didn't take the time to sift through all the past hurt and confusion. So I just stashed it in the recesses of my mind-assuming the memories would decay and fall apart on their own...yet 13 years later, I found out that God had something He wanted to teach me through my pain.

A couple of weeks ago, God dusted off the box, and allowed it to resurface. He lovingly forced me to sift through the ashes while I sat at His feet. I had no idea what He was about to show me!

I asked Him at one point, "Your Word says that you've experienced everything we've gone through and that you know our hurts...but Jesus, you were single! How in the world did you experience this kind of pain??"

I was not expecting this response. This is what He told me:

"Because that's exactly how much my heart breaks when you put other people/things in my place."


Humbled, I started crying all over again...but this time, it wasn't over what had happened TO me so long ago. It was what I had done TO Jesus here and now.

I had no idea! I had ignorantly believed that He a) didn't care or b) was mad when I allowed my heart to wander. How differently I see it now.

Allow Him to search your heart and see what He shows you.

"Search me, O God, and know my heart; test me and know my anxious thoughts. Point out anything in me that offends you, and lead me along the path of everlasting life." Psalm 139:22-24

Tuesday, January 5, 2010

Let it Rain, Let Him Reign

I was just cleaning out some of my old pictures from my SD card and happened upon this one. I realize it's very dark, but I had to capture what I could of the moment, and this is the best I could do. Sorry! ;)

The day this picture was taken, we were in the middle of a drought. Both physical and spiritual. I believe the yearly average for rain fall between the months of January through July is like 23"...up until this point, we had maybe 1 1/2-2". Spiritually, my heart felt just as dried up as the dirt here on our place. Satan was waging war in our marriage, on my husband, in our was not a pleasant time for our family!

The kids and I were sitting outside on the swing set when we noticed a pretty massive, dark rain cloud. I personally love thunder storms so I half-heartedly asked God to let it rain simply so I could listen to the thunder and watch the lightning. Then P came outside, and he and the boys took off down the driveway on their bicycles while J and I made our way to the picnic table in the back yard. We sat and talked about lots of different things, and I told her, "It's going to rain. I just feel it. I don't know when and I don't know how much, but it's going to rain." We started praying and thanking God for the rain that He would eventually send our way. Little did I know that at that exact moment, P and the boys were at the end of the driveway watching the storm cloud that was drifing away from us, turn and come back right over our house. The wind began to blow like we've never seen cap blew off across the yard, the wooden bench began to roll across the pasture...the rain drops started blowing sideways, and then hitting us so hard, it felt like we were in the middle of a sand storm!! The thunder and lighting was astounding!!! It was an amazing sight...seeing my children watch with their own eyes...seeing God answering their/our prayers. N was literally down on his face worshipping and thanking God for the rain we so desperately needed! J and E were praising him and thanking him, jumping up and down with excitement! I finally took shelter in our garage and watched from a distance as my chilren and husband continued to play in the storm. At that moment, God said to me, "This is the first of what's to come. Not just physical rain, but spiritual as well."

It's been a rough road to walk at times, but I know my God and I can trust my God. He can create something out of nothing. And He is my true shelter from the storm! Let Him be yours as well!

"You gave abundant showers, O God; you refreshed your weary inheritance." Psalm 68:9