Thankful Thursday

While my boy's are outside, and J is helping her daddy make dinner, I thought I'd squeeze in a few minutes to make my "Thankful Thursday" entry before I forget. Some friends of mine tend to have a theme running through their lists, and I suppose on occasion you might find one on mine. However, randomnenss is my specialty! So, staying true to my nature, that's what you're going to get today!

1. When I lived in WV 13 years ago, I had a very good friend named Chris. He was a police officer, and when he was off duty, he worked security at the Putt-Putt where I worked. He was engaged, and I was dating someone at the time, so there was nothing going on-we were just really great friends. Several people at work claimed to be Christians and even went to church, but their day-in, day-out lives weren't any different from the rest of the world. Chris however, lived the life. When I left West Virginia, I left with the intention of returning, so I didn't get anyone's addresses or phone numbers. For those of you who know me, know that's not how my story ended up. I've thought about him and even tried looking for him throughout the years, but "Chris Little" is a very common name...makes it kind of difficult to track someone down! However, I am so happy to report...that Chris found me on Facebook July 3rd! It's been great reconnecting with a long, lost friend!!! He left law enforcement and now is a professional singer/piano player with a Southern Gospel Group called, Forgiven. I promise to post a video of them soon.

2. I'm thankful for my children who are openly loving with me, and tell me repeatedly things throughout the day such as, "I love you!" or "You're the best mom in the world!" Actually, E came up to me yesterday and said, "Who WOULDN'T love you??" That's one smart kid!! Ha! :)

3. God very plainly, matter-of-factly told me a while back to stop eating sugar. I thought it would be easy to do, but instead, I've really struggled. But I'm happy to say that today is Day 7 of absolutely NO processed carbs, and NO refined sugar!! As Beth Moore says, "Thus far, the Lord has helped me!" And I am truly thankful that He has!

4. I'm thankful that I was finally able to get some answers with our youngest son! I took him to a local Christian counselor, but she was very gracious and admitted that he is totally out of their league. We're now in the process of trying to choose a Child Psychiatrist. We would covet your continued prayers in that regard.

5. And last but not least, I'm very thankful for a day just to hang out here at home. This summer has been extremely busy with everyone running in different directions! Today was a nice change of pace though, with everyone just being here together.

Chances

Death suddenly whisked you away like a strong, Summer wind.
Now it's standing firmly, trying hard not to bend.
Fearing that I too will slip out of life's arms.
Afraid of what is to come,
Not wanting to face anymore harm.

Now that you're gone, our lives have all changed.
Every day is different,
Nothing is the same.

I often sit and think of you, remembering the past.
It seems as though you're still here with me,
You just came and went so fast.

There's so much I wanted to share with you, but I kept it all inside.
And now that you aren't here, my chances have been denied.

Don't Jump to Conclusions!

I feel the need to preface this post with an explanation.

I love writing, but it also makes me feel very vulnerable, and exposed at times...kind of like when I was walking towards the bus stop in 7th grade only to realize that my brother's friend Dalton was walking behind me the entire time holding my skirt up! I was mortified!! Putting my writings out there for all the world to see (it would probably be more accurate to say, "for the 2 of you readers to see") puts that same feeling in my gut.

Now to the explanation...I haven't written poetry in years! The majority of my writings were done in high school. And to be honest, a lot of it is dark. However, I have never dealt with most of the topics I've written on...I've never been depressed, have never contemplated suicide, my mother's never died (thankfully!!), etc. So, PLEASE don't assume I'm hiding some deep, dark secrets or need to have an intervention called on me!!

Now...with that said, here's my first poem I've chosen to post per my friend Ginny's request.

TORN

I'm afraid to reveal to you my true feelings-
Simply because I'm afraid of admitting them to myself.
How can I live-
Knowing I've pledged my life to one
When secretly I've given my heart to another?
How can I say that I love him with my head...
But I love you with my heart?
This will have to remain our little secret-
Yours and mine.
Never to reveal my true feelings to him-
It would crush and utterly destroy his world!

I suddenly feel trapped!

How do you trust that God's will is perfect in circumstances such as this?

Do I continue lying to myself...to him...to you?

I want you to know me-
The real me.
I want to bare my soul to you.
I want to throw off all these hindrances,
All these facades.
I have to be honest...

I'm in love with you!

I have loved you from the first time we met...
And I will love you forever.

Questions begin echoing through my mind-
Questions of integrity and morality.

I just have to ask,
Do you feel the same way towards me?
Or am I making a fool of myself?

I long to see you!
Yet I'm terrified!
Will my true feelings show for you?
How could they not?

Why?
Why now??
Why not 10 years ago???
Maybe I could have saved you-
Sparing you the emptiness, loneliness and pain you've experienced,
And you could have done the same for me.

It's not fair!

Yes, I love him.
I made a choice to love him.
I made a promise.
But with you...
I can never escape the thought of you.
You've consumed me for days, months, years...
Longing to find you,
To reconnect our hearts together once more.

I can't wait for sleep to come.
Only then can I be with you,
Unhindered by reality.

Then it's like you never even left-
I can still see your face.
Hear your laugh.
Taste your kiss.

I want to hold your hands in mine-
Even if only for a brief moment.
But I couldn't bear to let you go!
Afraid that 13 more years will pass-
Only to lose you again.
I can't do that to my heart.

Yet I have to ask myself,
Which is more painful...?
Not knowing where you are, yet holding you close in my dreams...
Or being so close to you, yet knowing I can't have you?

But I need you!

Just trust that my heart belongs to you.

Nothing!

Time.
Distance.
People.
Circumstances.

Nothing will ever change the fact that my heart is yours.

I love you!

I Was Hairless When Hairless Wasn't Cool!

Kind of like the song, "I Was Country When Country Wasn't Cool."

I was diagnosed with Alopecia Areata when I was in 4th grade, back in 1985. My mom happened upon a couple of bald spots on my scalp one day, and have since undergone numerous shots (15-20 per spot) and several different creams throughout the years to try to treat it, in hopes of getting my hair to grow back. Thankfully, it doesn't affect my scalp as severely as it does the rest of my body. Somewhere along the way, the hair on my arms and legs has disappeared...which makes shaving a thing of the past. I honestly can't complain at all in that regard!!

Now fast forward 20+ years:

J's going into the 6th grade this fall and wanted to start shaving, but was/is afraid of cutting herself with a razor. So, she decided she wanted to try these instead:



Have you seen them on TV or in the store? Since when did it become fashionable to look like you have Alopecia?? I totally get not wanting hair on your legs and under your arms (I unfortunately still have to shave there). But the commercials show these women using these crystals on their faces, arms, underarms, legs, etc. Why haven't there been commercials all these years showing women shaving their faces and their arms??

Not much of a point here in this post. I just find it ironic. Now then, don't you feel smarter after reading this? ;)

Thankful Thursday...

And I only have 15 minutes left before I'll have to retitle it, "Forgetful Friday!" I try, I try.

1. I'm thankful that my good friend's Cippi & Robin have a healthy, beautiful baby boy (Riley Mark) as of last Thursday, June 25th. And even more thankful that they don't mind me and my children hanging out over there each and every day to see him...and them too of course! ;)

2. I'm thankful for my sister, who my children lovingly refer to as "SaSa." She's volunteered to take them to a movie tomorrow, which will give this Momma a break for a couple of hours! Sara, you're the best!

3. And while I'm taking a break from my children, I'm thankful that I get to spend it having some girl time/shopping with my wonderful sister-in-law Renee! I've known her and her family for 21 years and 11 months...her mom was my Diabetes educator when I was diagnosed at the ripe old age of 10.

4. I'm thankful that my brother Mark and sister-in-law Renee (see above) are expecting Bebe Numero Dos!! I'm going to be an aunt again!!! I can't wait!

5. And lastly (for tonight), I'm thankful that I can sleep in tomorrow, and don't have to get up early at the crack of dawn like I did today...since my husband forgot his house key (in the house), and woke us up by beating on our bedroom window. It's been a long day and I need some rest!

Good night all!

Baker Kid's Comedy Hour

I happened upon some funnies that I had written down on the kids last night and wanted to share. Of course you may not get the chuckle out of them that I did, but then again, that's my right as the parent to think they're hilarious. ;)

1. E (7 years) announced, "I know why we hold hands when we pray! So we won't eat the food!"

2. The rice that I was making for dinner wasn't through cooking, but N (6) was hungry, so I decided to go ahead and let him eat what was already prepared. I put a little bit of chicken and some vegetables on his plate, and when I put it in front of him at the table, he put his hands on the sides of his head and shook it while saying, "Gweat!! We must be poor!"

3. J and E (8 & 7) were playing together, but J didn't want to do anything that E suggested. Frustrated, he came to me and asked, "Does J even HAVE an imagination?? Because she never uses it!"

4. On Sunday, January 1, 2006, J (7) was told to clean her room. She said, "Do I have to??" When I told her yes, she replied with, "But Mom, it's the Sabbath!"

5. Just one day later (1/2/06), we were outside watching the kid's play with their battery operated Jeep they got for Christmas the week before. J attempted to run down E (who were both laughing hysterically), not realizing he could have gotten hurt...she thought since it was just a "toy" car it wouldn't do any damage. Once we got her stopped and explained otherwise to her, N (5) immediately runs and lays down in front of the Jeep. When we told him to get up, he said, "But I need to learn my lesson the hard way!"

6. In December of 2006, we took a family vacation to Red River, New Mexico. Upon arriving in our cabin for the night, N excitedly runs around to check everything out. He runs into the kitchen and hollers out, "AWWW!!! The kid's even have their OWN TV!!!" It was a microwave.

7. E (7) and N (6) were in the backseat of our car fighting over a black crayon. Both boys claimed it was their own. E finally stopped arguing and said, "God, YOU know the truth...and HE ain't tellin' it!!!"

8. Again, E (7) and N (6) were arguing over a toy that N had taken away from E...and again, we were in the car. Yes, this scenario happens OFTEN. E says, "Tell N to give me back my toy!" N responds with, "I don't have it!! I put it in that...whatever it's called." Without missing a beat, E said, "Ya, it's called 'in your pocket.'"

Well, that concludes our show for the evening, folks. Hope you enjoyed yourselves. Please come back again soon.

“God has brought me laughter. All who hear about this will laugh with me." Genesis 21:6