Wednesday, October 22, 2008

Tug of War

Be honest-have you mom's ever woken up in the morning and upon hearing either the voice of a particular child or noises of them bouncing up and down the hallway, crashing into the walls headed in your direction, caused you to cower under your covers, and mumble incessantly the words of Deuteromony 31:6 to yourself in an attempt to be reminded that you are not alone in the battle of parenting?

What? You don't have that one memorized?? Well, you should! I've even considered having it matted & framed to hang on my wall so that when I roll out of bed in the morning, it's staring me straight in the face! Here, let me help you out. It says,

"Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid or terrified because of them, for the Lord your God goes with you; he will never leave you nor forsake you."

Come on, admit it. You know you have! And then once they're down for the night, you walk out of their bedroom, lean against the door, take a deep breath, & Psalm 116:7 comes to mind...

"Be at rest once more, O my soul, for the Lord has been good to you."

Okay, I know those verses were taken out of context, and it's not always a warzone in our homes, but we've all had those days if you're being totally honest.

I must admit that I too struggle a lot with my attitute and thoughts on the days when my youngest is testing me (that would make it an every day experience around here). He is extremely bright, energetic, creative, sensitive, & loving-yet VERY determined, strong-willed, and at times defiant-with definite opinions of his own that rarely (if ever) fall in line with mine. I get frustrated that he always has to do things his own way, in his own timing, sometimes just trying to prove that he's the one in control.

I wish that he would simply comply with our rules without talking back, questioning every move I make, reminding me of things I may (or may not) have said days, weeks or even months ago, & challenging my every thought. I would get some much needed emotional and mental rest if that were the case, but more importantly, it would make his life so much easier!!

There are times (like tonight) when I can see the struggle, frustration & near panic in his eyes when I refuse to back down & relinquish my rights as his mother and force him to submit his will to my own, & it breaks my heart! If he would simply let go & trust Paul & myself to lead, guide, teach & direct him, he would be free to just be a kid and spare himself of the pain from having to learn most of life's lessons' the hard way.

Then God reminds me that I too fight him for control...sometimes daily...sometimes hourly. That's not very fun to admit. I have been deceived at times into believing that I have this life figured out, I know what's best, I know what I want and I'm determined to get it no matter the cost.

Isn't it crazy how God has set up our children to be little mirrors, reflecting images of us and our relationship with our heavenly Father?

"Lord, I pray that you would transform me by the renewing of my mind and that you would bind my thoughts to your thoughts. I ask that you would bind my will to your will & bind my life to your purposes. Your purposes and plans are so much bigger than my own. You can see the complete picture, and I just have to trust that You are at work in our lives, and that your word will not return void. It's so easy to get caught up in the daily struggles and lose my focus. Please keep my eyes on you, and give me an unspeakable joy in the process."

"Follow my example, as I follow the example of Christ." 1 Corinthians 11:1

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